Do you ever feel like you’re living your life, but you’re not really there?

You go for a walk on the beach, but don’t remember it. You have a conversation and can’t quite recall what was said. You read a book and nothing sticks. Life is happening, but it’s like you’re watching it from behind glass.

That’s not forgetfulness. That’s not laziness. That’s something I call numbness. And it’s more common than you might think.

I’m going to walk you through what’s really going on and what you can do about it.

I’ve been a therapist for 30 years, working with neglect, sexual abuse, assault, and deep trauma that really fractures people’s sense of self. And honestly? I’ve been there myself.

So I want you to hear this clearly: you are not crazy. You are not doing anything wrong. Numbness and dissociation are strategies your mind and body developed to protect you when things were just too much.

Think of it like a circuit breaker in your house. When the circuit gets overloaded, the house shuts down so it doesn’t burn down completely. Dissociation is the same thing. At some point, your younger self said, “I can’t survive this”, and shutting down was the right call. It kept you sane. It kept you going.

That part of you made a really good decision.

Here’s where it gets tricky. The same protection that saved you back then still kicks in today, even when you’re safe. Something triggers you, and you shut down. You lose that walk on the beach. You lose that moment of connection with someone you love.

And you might not even know why.

That’s because trauma isn’t just the big, obvious things. It’s also the ongoing criticism, the feeling of not being seen, the loss of a grandparent, the divorce, the hospital stay, the move. Anything that overwhelmed your ability to cope. Your body remembers all of it, even when your mind doesn’t.

It doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it’s subtle:

• Zoning out in the middle of a task
• Feeling emotionally flat, physically present but not really there
• Not remembering conversations or experiences
• Feeling like you’re floating outside your body
• Feeling like your surroundings aren’t quite real, like you’re watching a movie of your life

And here’s something important: dissociation doesn’t only show up for people who clearly remember their trauma. It also shows up for people who don’t even know they had trauma. Your nervous system remembers, even when you don’t.

This is one of the most powerful practices I teach, and I use it myself. I developed it through my work with clients over the years, and it works because it goes straight to the source. The body.

Here’s how to do it:

1. Notice what’s happening in your body. When you feel yourself checking out or going numb, pause. Place a hand on your heart. Feel whatever tension is there.

2. Talk directly to that part of you. Speak to it like you would to a scared child. You might say:

• “Hey, we’re okay. I’m keeping us safe now.”
• “I’m listening. I hear you. I know it wasn’t okay.”
• “I believe you. I’m here. We already survived.”

3. Notice how your body responds. If the feeling settles a little, stay with it. If it gets bigger, that’s okay too; it means that part of you is trying to be heard. If it feels overwhelming, gently say: “I hear you. Can you come a little slower? A little less intense?”

4. Ask what it needs. When it feels safe, ask: “What are you worried about? What do you need from me?” You might hear words. You might just feel a sensation. Trust whatever comes up.

5.Keep listening. Feelings of grief, sadness, or anger might come up. Let them. Those parts will keep telling you until they know you’re really listening. And each time you show up for them, you build a bridge between who you are now and the younger part that’s still hurting.

That bridge is where healing happens.

If your body feels reluctant, go slow. There’s no rush. That younger part needs to trust you, and trust takes time. Keep showing up. Keep listening. Let them know you’re not going anywhere.

You survived the hardest part. Now you get to come home to yourself.

Watch the full video here 👇

Please take full responsibility for your mental health and the practices you use. This is not a replacement for professional psychotherapy or counselling.